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Codependency In Depth

By: Christopher M. Weed, M.A.T., M.S.W. 

Exactly what co-dependency means is the subject of much dispute in professional literature. There are numerous definitions of codependency and yet according to one study, no definition has been empirically derived.^{1,5 (p47)} The definition of co-dependency can depend largely on the situation being described and the motivations of the person or persons using the term. In treatment terms, the concept of codependency remains "one of the most commonly used theoretical frameworks upon which services for families with alcohol or other drug problems are based, particularly in the United States, despite limited research into the model."^{5 (p.47)} "In 1991, a review of the professional literature for a core definition of co-dependency found six different definitions:

1. an emotional, psychological, and behavioral condition,
2. interpersonal reactivity and obsession with interpersonal control,
3. learned self-defeating behaviors,
4. suffering associated with attending to others,
5. an addictive disease, and (6) a preoccupation with others characterized by extreme dependency."^{2 (p.473-4)}

According to one scholar, 96% of the United States population has met the loose standards for co-dependency at one time or another.^{3 (p. 436)} Given the lack of a clear-cut clinical entity that corresponds uniquely to the concept of co-dependency, I could be said that everyone who is around a person involved in an addictive process is by definition a codependent.^{6 (p.678)} Below are a few definitions derived from literature on co-dependence:

• Codependency as a relational/behavioral concept: is a pattern of painful dependence on compulsive behaviors and on approval from others in an attempt to find safety, self-worth, and identity.^{6 (p.678)} In general, the term has been used to denote any person who is either the product of or a participant in a dysfunctional relationship involving abuse of any kind.^{3 (p.436)} Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and identity. Other common themes include the tendency to put other people's needs ahead of one's own and the tendency to engage in self-defeating interpersonal behaviors such as 'caretaking' (taking responsibility for regulating another person's behavior) and 'rescuing' (fixing up the damage caused by another person's irresponsible behavior).^{5 (p.47)}
  
  
• Codependency as a diagnostic entity: a primary disease present in every member of an addictive family, often worse than the disease itself, with its own physical manifestations. Some view co-dependency as a treatable diagnostic entity comprised of an onset, a definable course, and a predictable outcome the origins of which are thought to be found in early childhood where there is a learned tendency to enter into addictive relationships. Still others believe that codependency qualifies as a personality disorder under Axis II of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Third Edition--Revised (DSM-III-R), noting that dependent personality disorder describes many prominent features of codependency.^{6 (p.677)}
  
  
• Co-dependency from a feminist perspective: codependency was initially used to denote the psychological, emotional, and behavioral difficulties exhibited by the spouses, and subsequently the children, of alcoholics who inadvertently enabled maintenance of the drinking problem rather than recovery. It replaced the less inclusive terms co-alcoholic, para-alcoholic and enabler.^{1 (p.505)} Therefore, on a political level, codependency seen by feminists as simply another tool in the oppression of women, fostering denial of male accountability. This point of view asserts that when men are clearly impaired, their female partners must also be labeled as sick to maintain the balance of power in the relationship. ^{6 (p.679)} Some feminists assert that, rather than using the term co-dependent to label the feminine emphasis on feeling and relationship, this alleged inherent feminine emphasis needs to be acknowledged, celebrated and perhaps redirected to some degree without being pathologized. ^{6 (p.682)}
  
  
• Co-dependency from a family systems perspective: A pattern of coping which develops because of prolonged exposure to and practice of dysfunctional family rules that make difficult the open expression of thoughts and feeling.^{3 (p. 436)} It is further contended that improved family functioning requires not only the resolution of the alcohol or other drug problem but also that family members' codependency be treated.^{5 (p.47)} A syndrome of pathological effects owing to having a parent or significant other who suffers from addiction.^{4 (p.39)} Originated in the Alcoholic's Anonymous program and its satellites, such as Al-Anon and Al-Ateen, the term co-dependent was used synonymously with co-alcoholic, co-addict to designate a family member or other individual who is destructively enmeshed with a chemically dependent person.^{3 (pg435)} In the early 1980s, the adult children of alcoholics movement adopted the concept, extending it to mean one who grew up in an alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional family.
  
  
• Co-dependency from a psychodynamic perspective: is seen as a problematic or maladaptive pattern of relating to others characterized by an extreme belief in personal powerlessness and the powerfulness of others, a lack of open expression of feelings, and excessive attempts to derive a sense of purpose, identity, self-worth, and fulfillment through engaging in personally distressing care taking relationships which involve high levels of denial, rigidity, and attempts to control the relationship. ^{1 (p.506) 7 (p.14)}
  

Symptoms: ^{3 (p.436)}
In the literature, some of the most commonly cited symptoms of codependency are "

1. intense and unstable interpersonal relationships,
2. inability to tolerate being alone, accompanied by frantic efforts to avoid being alone,
3. chronic feelings of boredom and emptiness,
4. subordinating one's own needs to those of the person with whom one is involved,
5. overwhelming desire for acceptance and affection,
6. external referencing,
7. dishonesty and denial, and (h) low self-worth."
   

A caveat on Self Labeling:
Regardless of whether one actually possesses the traits of alleged co-dependency, self-labeling encourages one take on the traits of the label, to interpret one's behavior and experiences as indicative of these traits, and to engage in behavior which is trait-congruent. It has been suggested that genuine psychological distress or pathology may develop because of social stigmatization and negative stereotypes associated with the label of co-dependency. ^{4 (P.40) 4 (p.46)} This label tends to oversimplify complex phenomena, to preclude growth and change, and to deny the uniqueness of each individual. As people become identified with a label, they can assume that treatment providers know all there is to know about their family, all that is wrong with them, and all the needs to be known to bring effective treatment. In essence, labels such as co-dependent tend to rigidly fortify an otherwise dynamic understanding of the self and the support systems both past and present which interact with and influence the self. ^{6 (p.680)}

Some scholars and treatment providers feel that co-dependency needs to be redefined as overresponsibility and that overresponsibility needs to be understood as a positive impulse gone awry. Responsibility for relationships with others needs to coexist with responsibility to self. ^{6 (p.682)} Therefore many people believe that co-dependency must be redefined as a series of problematic attempts to connect rather than the failure to separate.^{7 (p. 9)}