By: Roger J. Gregoire, CAC
As the family begins to take steps to address the problem by removing the alcohol abuser/dependent from the drink and away from the family environment, it becomes time to actively seek qualified treatment, and evaluate the condition of the family. With the removal of the alcoholic behavior, the family is able to start to feel some stability and security around the home. This stage represents the start of a healing process. Family members will need an opportunity to reevaluate, process and resolve feelings and issues.
Codependent patterns must be identified1 and replaced with more effective and natural ways to cope. Much of this stage of recovery revolves around feelings. Suppressed and unresolved feelings of anger, and sadness can be expressed as rage, shame, self loathing and confusion. To undo the deep-rooted negative and bitter perceptions, many family members need a way to express these powerful feelings.
It is time to consider therapy2
A family existing in a codependent condition becomes addicted to their roles. No matter how undesirable or painful. The "abnormal" began to appear to be the "normal" , what was "unnatural" had become "natural" in the general family view. To the family under the influence of a codependent alcohol-dependent relationship, this upside-down reality is a painful revelation. Reinforced as a response the alcoholic presence over time means it may take time to undo its affects. There are many different types of therapies, what is the "right" method? That depends on the assessed needs of the family members.3
Talk therapy in either a one-to-one setting or in a group is a common method used to work out and resolve individual issues. By forming a relationship with a concerned, trained, ethical, and focused professional a person can begin to develop an improved sense of self, and allow anger to be transformed into meaningful change via the "grieving process".4
Regardless of the form of therapy chosen, its effectiveness hinges on the individual having a sense of safety and building trust. This building of trust allows him/her to risk feeling vulnerable in expressing long-protected painful feelings. In this environment of primary concern, with balanced and reasonable boundaries, the client can view the the effect of the chaos brought on by drinking family member in safety. To begin to see conditions as they are with a clear eye, to "right" the sense of reality. Becoming less dependant on the defensive response, keeping secrets, and to learning to identify past codependent behaviors, so as not to project them unknowingly onto future relationships.
This page was last modified on : 08/21/2009